Thank You Notes

I am going to venture away from table manners this week and address another matter of civility-the written thank you note. With phones, email, Facebook, and texts so available and so easy, hand written notes are becoming an endangered manner unless we pass on the expectation.

Background: For the last few years, we have spent one or two nights after Christmas writing thank you notes for our Christmas gifts. We don't send them to everyone, but at the bare minimum grandparents and out-of-town givers get a thank you note (since they didn't see you open it and there is always the question if you even got it in the mail). And of course Santa gets one (It is the principle here- If you can take the time to write him a letter of what you want, then you better take the time to say thanks when he brings it to you). Depending on the age of your children, they could also send notes to cousins, aunts, friends, teachers, etc.

Attention Getter: We tossed a little bean bag around the table and when you caught it you said something that you got for Christmas. Sometimes I labeled the round like "What Santa gave you" or "What Grandma P gave you" etc. (You know you are spoiled when you have multiple rounds.) This facilitated the note writing later because it was fresh in their mind.

Then I told them we were going to write thank you notes for the gifts we received.

(Now think outside the box here. A thank you note doesn't have to be a note card in an envelope. Let your kids express themselves however they want- just supply the materials: markers (I know I am not the only sucker for a sharp sharpie), crayons, computer paper, lined paper, note cards, stamps, scrapbook paper, etc.)

Why: You know all the surface reasons, but it is interesting to consider that gratitude must be cultivated and developed. It is a learned response and writing thank you notes is great practice for our kids in expressing and feeling gratitude. Plus it will make grandmas' day.

I have kids of 3 different ability levels so their thank you notes were all different.

Toddler/Preschooler: I had my daughter draw a picture for grandma. Then she dictated to me what she wanted to say and I wrote it on the paper. She signed her name. You could also write at the bottom of the page "Thank you for the ___________" and your child writes in the blank.


Grade Schooler: My son is in kindergarten and he can write all his letters and although he can sound-spell pretty well he prefers me to spell out every word. (I don't have the patience for this) So we created a word bank that he could reference as he wrote. We brainstormed words that we might use in their thank you notes. My older daughter referenced this as well.


Independent: My oldest child can write and "think" on her own for the most part. But I still wanted to teach her how to write a thank you note. I believe every thank you note should have a bit of 'personal' so this is the formula I taught her:

1. Greeting
2. Thank them for the gift specifically. "Thanks for the doll" vs "Thanks for the gift"
3. Then write a follow up statement. "I played with her today" or "She is pretty" or "I have fun getting her dressed." Just say something that shows you appreciate it and have thought about it. ( I hate that note in the mail from the bride that just says "Thanks for the gift" in an extra large handwriting to take up space.)
4. Thoughtful Closing


My husband and I even participated in the activity. This shows our kids that we abide my the same expectations.


Follow-Up: We hand delivered the notes that we could. And we mailed the rest. There were warm fuzzies all the way around.

#6: Party Buffet

Manner #6: Six Manners to Remember for the Party Buffet

Christmas season is here and that also means Christmas parties. We have at least a few to go to that will involve buffet style-serve yourself- food. I thought we needed to go over a few buffet manners before we hit the parties.
Manner: Here are some manners we went over for a buffet:

1. Don't double dip. (And biting one end of the chip and turning it around and dipping the other end counts as double dipping. At your own table with your own family that is one thing, but not in a party setting.) Spoon some dip onto your plate.

2. Don't pile your plate sky high. Be aware of portion size and take modest amounts. (We are at a party people, not at Chuck-o-Rama). And once everyone has made it through the buffet line, you can always go back for more.

3. Don't hog certain foods. Let everyone have a chance to taste all the foods. For example, don't eat most of the shrimp in the shrimp cocktail or campout at your favorite dip so it makes it difficult for others to get in there.

4. Don't complain about the food. Just pass it on by if you don't like something.

5. Use the serving utensils provided (not your fingers) and always put them back on the dishes or platters.

6. Make sure to say thank you to the hostess before you leave.

Practice: We went to Pizza Pie Cafe- a pizza/pasta/salad buffet (I am in a non-cooking seasonal funk. This was the third dinner out of the week. We practiced the no double dipping rule with chips and queso earlier in the week.) But it turned out to be the perfect place to teach buffet manners. We went at a non-peak hour so I could take plenty of time with my kids through the line and teach them the tips above as we went along. My favorite moment of the night was when my son and I got to the pasta service area. We were supposed to tell the worker what pasta we wanted. Instead my son reached under the sneeze guard (there was about a 2 inch gap) to pick up a noodle with his fingers. "This one!" It gave me a chance to teach him about boundaries and germs. I also walked my daughter through the salad bar. We got to practice using the serving utensils and not piling our plate too full. She started nibbling on her veggies as we went through, (I am guilty of this. My theory was if I eat as I go it frees up plate space for the food at the end of the buffet, right?) so I was able to teach her about delaying gratification until you are seated at the table. It also feels less germy and less white trashish when you wait to eat until you are seated.Follow-Up: We have a family Christmas party next week. We'll see how it goes. Hopefully these tips will help you at your family, church, neighborhood or work Christmas party. Tis' the season!

#5: Proper Posture

Manner #5: Proper Posture at the Dinner Table

Attention Getter: The kids came to the table and found a letter (the alphabet kind, not the Dear kids kind) on their plate. I had written each letter of the word 'posture' on a different sticky note. The goal was to have them work together to unscramble the word. I had to give a few clues like "it has to do with your back", but my oldest one figured it out. Then she sounded it out while my younger ones found the letters to match. Once we spelled 'posture' we discussed what the word meant in general. Then we applied it to the table. (My kids channeled Vanna in this picture.)
Manner: Here is what we learned: You should sit about 3-5 inches from the table. I had the kids estimate what 3-5 inches looked like. We actually got out a ruler and decided it is about a hands width away. This comparison gave them a way to check themselves in any dining situation. Also, sit up straight and don't use the back of the chair. Legs should not be crossed and if possible feet should be flat on the floor. If you need to lean, bend at the waist. Bring your food to your mouth, not your mouth to the food. (I caught my daughter with her mouth on the edge of the plate just shoveling the scrambled eggs (it was that kind of day) into her mouth. She bypassed any air.)

Why: Good posture diminishes mess (In theory that is- I am daily baffled my how much food still makes it on the floor and the seat of the chair where a bum was sitting- the picture does not do the mess justice.)Correct posture aids in digestion. And it just looks less neanderthal to sit up straight rather than to bend down over your plate. If your feet are flat on the floor, you won't kick your neighbor (and we all could use one less sibling fight at dinner).

Practice: We actually sat too far back and too close and tried eating so the kids could see the difficulties. Each night I had them check their distance from the table with their hand just so they could get used to it.

Follow-Up: Dad was not there the night we initially talked about posture. So I had the kids act as the parents and teach dad on another night later in the week. They all shared something they knew about posture. My daughter busted out the ruler and my son made sure dad's back was not touching the back of the chair. They did a great job teaching dad (despite the fact that dad was a difficult student).