Same Manners; Different Blog Address

Monday Night Manners Friends (all 10 of you) !
 
I have some exciting news! My latest manner is posted on my new blog called "Raising Lemons".  You can find me at www.RaisingLemons.com

The story behind the name is up on the website, but it is basically a parenting blog with ideas for holidays, travel, abcs, general parenting and of course MANNERS.  I  found myself having so many other ideas that wouldn't fit under the mantle of manners and I wanted to keep all my ideas in one place. I will still be doing the weekly manner posts on Monday but just under the heading of                { Manners } on my new blog.  All of my previous manners posts were transferred to  "Raising Lemons" so you will still be able to access them under { Manners } as well.

I have appreciated your support and I hope you will follow me to the new website and stay with me there.   The new blog is a little more advanced so there is an RSS feed that you can subscribe to if you want to be notified when I update the blog. Or you can check in at the new blog every Monday for the weekly manner post.  This will be my last post on  the Monday Night Manners blog, but I will keep it up for a few weeks during the transition time.   Mondaynightmanners.com will reroute to www.RaisingLemons.com 

Again thank you all for your support and let me know if you have any questions. I would love any feedback you have for me.

Tiffany

#13: Using Your Spoon

Manner #13: Here's the Scoop on the Spoon

Attention Getter:  I set the table as normal (with a spoon on the right,) but I also set a spoon above the plate.  The kids were intrigued by the mystery spoon above the plate. I let them make predictions about the "new" spoon.

Since we had already learned about the fork and the knife, it was time to learn the scoop on the spoon:

Manner:  1. The spoon-including the soup spoon- will be found to the right of the plate. If a spoon is set above the plate, it is used for the dessert.
2. You hold your spoon like you would hold a pencil- not with a fist.
3. Spoons have limited use compared to the fork and the knife. (I gotta admit I feel kind of bad for the spoon.  She is like the fat sister that has little purpose compared to her sharp brother, the knife, and busy sister, the fork.)  Spoons can be used to stir drinks like coffee and tea, to eat soft desserts like icecream and pudding , and of course they are used to eat soup and cereal.  When I was studying the functions of the spoon, I realized that they would be easier to remember if we noted that the Spoon's responsibilities fit under the letter S.  Spoons are to be used for Soup, Stirring, and Soft Desserts.
4. If the soup is a course and not the meal, then you will see two spoons. The soup spoon is found to the right of the regular spoon. It is usually the outer most spoon.  The soup spoon may have a slightly different shape. If you are only having soup, you will only one spoon would be set. (I will do a more detailed post on just soup later.)

Practice: I served soup for dinner and pudding (from a Snack Pack) for dessert so the kids had two opportunities to use the spoon.  My son kept resorting back to the fist hold, so we had to work on the pencil grip.

Follow-Up:  Since Jello-O is classified as a soft dessert in my book, I made a a rainbow Jell-O dessert complete with a whip cream cloud later in the week.  This was a fun St. Patty's Day treat as well as another chance to practice using our spoon.  Isn't it cute in the individual trifle dish? (I knew I would get some good use out of my  cups.)

 

If you have any desire to make this rainbow Jell-O for St. Patrick's Day here are a few tips:

1. Make sure you have room in your fridge for these to set.

2. I used 6 boxes of small Jell-O.  I had to go to a few stores to find blue and I only found it in the big size, so I just guesstimated.  I prepared each color as the box directed.

3. I keep a pot of boiling water on the stove that I could just keep going back to for each color.

4. Each layer was about 1/4 cup.  

5. I placed the dishes in a cake pan so I could take them in and out of the fridge easily to add layers.

6. It took about 20 minutes for each layer to set.

7. The boxes made about 10 trifle cups of rainbow Jell-O.  So if your family is small, share with a friend.

Feeling Lucky

Background:   This is a modified repost from my days as a guest blogger for Shade Clothing so this might be familiar to some of you, (but I changed the ending so keep reading.) I love to use the holidays-even St. Patrick's Day- to reinforce good manners.  Kids benefit from opportunities to express gratitude and appreciation.

The idea came to me after the Haiti earthquake last year.  My kids seemed to be complaining about everything from breakfast to school clothes.  I found myself lecturing "You're lucky you have food to eat" or "You're lucky you have clothes to wear at all."  My rants inspired this St. Patty's Day idea:

Mini pot of gold

Attention Getter:  Before we started, I filled a mini cauldron (found at Partyland) for each child full of pennies. It took 4 rolls of pennies per cauldron.  Then I hid them around the house.  I told the kids of an Irish legend that says if you find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow you will have good luck. I sent the kids on a hunt for their own pots of gold. Squeals of excitement came from the basement when they found their pots.

Lesson:  We gathered in a circle and I gave a brief lesson on how lucky we are to live where we live and have what we have.  Then I explained the activity:  Take a penny out of your mini cauldron and say something you feel "lucky" about.  Then add your penny to the larger pot of gold in the center. We went around the circle many times and their responses ranged from the silly to the serious.  My son was lucky to have his light saber and my daughter thought we were lucky to have policemen and firemen.

Follow-Up: Since it took 200 pennies to fill up one small pot, we did this activity every night with our bedtime ritual for a week or so leading up to St. Patty's Day to go through all the pennies.   I had intentions of donating all the pennies to the Haiti earthquake fund, but I can't remember if I ever did???  This year I might just do Rolos in the cauldrons, eat them as we go, and keep the activity to one night.

#12: Using Your Knife

Manner #12:  Knife Knowledge

Attention Getter:  By now my kids know that Monday night = new manner so I often get the question, "What manner are we going to learn tonight?"  I like to keep them guessing and this week was no exception.  So my helpful sister and I came up with this riddle:

Can you guess what I am?
I don't start like I sound.
Use me with butter and fruit,
On the right I can be found.

Now let's cut to the chase,
Cuz' you're on the edge of your seat.
I should never touch your mouth,
but I will cut your meat.

What am I? ....... A Knife!

(My kids weren't so sharp. I had to read it a few times before they got it.) We had talked about how to use our fork, so now it was time to talk about how to use our knife correctly. 

Manner: 1. You will find the knife on the right of your plate with the blade facing the plate (review).
2. You can use a knife to cut sandwiches  in half or to butter your bread.  You use a knife and a fork together to cut meat and fruit.
3. When cutting, hold the knife in your right hand like it is an extension of your index finger.  It should be parallel with the plate.
4. When not in use, put your knife on the top of your plate with the blade facing inward.
5. Don't lick your knife or eat off of it.
6. Don't wave it around while you are talking.
7. If eating the European way, you would use your knife to put the food on the back of your fork.

Why:  Most of the manner rules around the knife have to do with safety.  That is why the blade is always pointed in.  That's why you don't make gestures with it.  It could slip out or you could poke someone.   And safety is why you don't eat off of it. 

Practice:  I served different foods throughout the week where a knife would be needed so my kids had ample practice with this utensil.  We practiced cutting meat with pork loin and yogurt chicken. I didn't do tougher meats, that might require a steak knife, because that will be another post another day.  We buttered rolls and baked potatoes, and we cut our sandwiches in half.

Follow-Up: We played "The Knife Game/Candy Bar Game" (see directions below.) We cut loose and broke several knife manner rules.

Directions:
1.Wrap up a giant chocolate bar in several layers of paper.
2. Freeze it.
3. When the candy bar is good and frozen, gather everyone in a circle with the candy bar, 2 knives, and 2 dice.
4. Roll the dice.  If you roll doubles you get to hack at the paper-- trying to get to the chocolate. The catch is that you can ONLY use your knives.  When you get to the chocolate, you have to bring it up to your mouth with the knives. (This is the fun part.) No fingers allowed.
5. If you don't get doubles, pass the dice to your right.
6. The next person rolls the dice and so forth.  When someone else gets doubles, she takes the knives- immediately- from whomever has them. (Nothing is more satisfying than stealing knives from someone just as he is about to take a bite of the chocolate.)
7. Keep the dice going around the circle until the chocolate bar is eaten.
8. You can increase the difficulty level, if you are playing with older kids, by having them put on gloves, a scarf and a hat before they get to start hacking away.  It just slows them down a bit and makes them a bit more clumsy.

Have fun and be careful!

Table Manners Review

Why: So far we have covered 11 table manners, so I thought it was time for a review.  This was a chance to practice all the manners together and have some accountability.

Attention Getter:  I set a police badge (that I got at a local party supply store) and a buzzer (don't ask; I've had it for years) on dad's plate.  The kids hovered around dad's plate before dinner. I love when I pique their interest.

The supplies

When we were all seated, I introduced the "Politeness Police".  Now the purpose of the "Politeness Police" was to monitor the family's manners in a playful way.   The designated Police would wear the badge and buzz the buzzer when he caught someone using bad  manners.

Some nights we decided that the "Politeness Police" could catch people using good manners.  Although this method is way more warm and fuzzy, our family voted to stick with the old school method (since when does a cop pull you over for going the speed limit afterall?) You can take whichever approach you want with your family.

Manner: We had to set some ground rules right up front: Moms and dads can lovingly point out manner mistakes any day, any time.  That is our job and our responsibility.   But kids can only point out manner mistakes if they are designated as the "Politeness Police" by a parent because it is actually bad manners to point out someone else's bad manners. 

Practice: Dad was the first Police to model how it was to be done.  He buzzed away and corrected the children.  I felt like it was a great teaching time because often we don't even know when we are using bad manners.  My son took great pride in not getting buzzed, while my 4 year old daughter purposely tried to screw up so she could get caught (let's just say I'm nervous for her teenage years.) Over the week each kid got to take a turn as the "Politeness Police".  Eyes were alert. Revenge was sought.  No mercy was shown (the baby even got buzzed for using his fingers.)

The evidence

But in the end, we all were more aware of our manners.

#11 Using Your Fork

Manner #11: How to Use Your Fork Correctly or Use Your Fork Not Your Fingers!

Attention Getter:  I set the table with a pencil in the fork place.  As you would expect, the kids noticed the missing forks and the out-of-place pencils right away and wondered what it would have to do with manners. Well, I'll tell you....

Manner:  How you use your fork depends on where you live.  In America, you are to hold your fork like you hold a pencil except your hand is about 2/3 up the shank rather than being close to the point like a pencil.  (Now this implies that you are actually using a fork and not your fingers.) The tines (pokey things) of the fork point up, and you use the fork like a scoop rather than poking and stabbing at your food.  Next, I was surprised to learn that you use your fork to eat almost everything including rice, corn, peas, cake, mashed potatoes, etc. ( I was guilty of using my spoon too much.)  And what if you can't get those pesky peas to stay on your fork?  I read in a few places that you aren't supposed to use your knife to help you. So I am not sure what to tell you other than a knife, in my opinion, is better than your fingers.  So do what you gotta do. Plus using your knife is how it's done in Europe.  The fork can also be used to cut foods like pancakes, lasagna, softer meats, etc. Lastly, if you want to set your fork down in between bites, set it ON your plate on the left side not on the table.  We wouldn't want to soil the tablecloth.

This hold is a little too far down on the shank of the fork. But the stars aligned, and my model had clean fingernails AND no marker stains on his hands, so we're sticking with this picture.

Why:  When you hold your fork correctly, it naturally brings your elbows down and keeps them by your sides rather in your neighbor's space.  I had my kids hold it like an icepick and we saw what that grip did to our elbows. And  just like you can write neater and with more control if you hold a pencil the right way, so it is with eating.  You will make less of a mess, have more dexterity and control and look more dignified if you hold your fork correctly.

Practice:  At the beginning of each meal we held our forks like a pencil and I checked everyone out to make sure that we were at least starting the meal off right.   I served tricky foods throughout the week like rice, corn, and homemade macaroni to stretch their skills.  We also did some fork cutting practice with enchiladas and waffles.  We have waffles most Wednesdays (because I'm a nerd like that) and someday everyone is going to be able to cut their own waffle.  (This is as big as I dream right now.)

Extension:  We don't eat with our fingers, but at least we can paint with them! We rolled out some butcher paper in the garage, got some washable finger paints and made a mess....with our fingers.

Finger Painting

Love Notes

Change of plans.  I was going to post a table manner this week, but then I saw a cute idea on my friend's blog that I wanted to share in advance of Valentine's Day.  She set up a post office station and had her family write notes to each other throughout the month of February.

I love this idea because it gives our children the opportunity to practice showing love and appreciation and giving sincere, truthful compliments. And that is good manners.

I introduced the idea to my kids and told them we could write a sincere compliment, a favorite memory, words of encouragement, something they noticed, draw a picture, etc. to family members and then drop it in their "mailbox". 

For mail boxes, I just wanted to use what I had on hand so I opted to use paper sacks.  We each got to decorate our own mailbox with foam stickers and markers.  (I  resisted the strong desire to leave my kids out of the process and just do it a cute way all by myself.  Some of you might be able to appreciate how difficult this was for me.)

I hung the bags with twine and clothespins that I covered with glitter scrapbook paper (okay so maybe just a little cute.)  I thought this was a great idea....then my baby woke up from his nap.  The first thing he did was swipe at a bag.  So I will probably be moving it up a little higher but still within reach of my other kids.

I put index cards and various pens (Valentine colors of course) in a pail.  Then I tied a few remnant ribbons on the handle of a pail to pretty it up (I couldn't stop myself).

We just got started, but on day one they prolonged bedtime by 20 minutes as they wrote everyone a note.  Needless to say, they are excited. Our plan is to read them each morning over breakfast (and then practice saying thank you too.)  I snuck a peek in one bag and read "You are the best sister. You mack me laff" from my kindergartener.  The note made me smile and "laff".  I hope your family will enjoy the love notes and the good manners this week.

#10 When to Start Eating

Manner #10:  Can I Eat Already?

We have discussed 9 table manners so far and we have yet to have a bite of dinner.  Well, tonight is the night. It's time to finally eat!

Attention Getter: I told my kids this scarring story from my childhood:  My family was new in town and my sister and I were invited to our neighbor's birthday party.  We were just little tikes- barely in school. (Now I was already a little on edge because we didn't know anyone and our neighbor seemed rich and we seemed poor in my young mind.  Plus I was mortified by the tacky wrapping job on the plastic purse we had gotten Lisa for her present.)   The next memory I have is being served a piece of cake and then--taking a bite.

Now this is where the trauma set in: Suddenly an older girl at the party scolded us,  "UMMmm-BRRrrr! (I didn't know what that meant then and I still don't know now, but it wasn't good.) You ate before the birthday girl!"  There were stares and crusty looks from the other guests and an awkward silence.  My sister and I had no idea what the big deal was; we just wanted to disappear.  We both remember it as the most embarrassing and humiliating moment of our lives up to that point.  This is where I told the kids that tonight we were going to talk about when it is okay to take a bite.


Why:  I didn't want my kids to be embarrassed like I was.  Knowing what to do and when to eat can bring confidence in potentially awkward situations: birthday parties, dates, business dinners, in-laws, friend's house, etc.  Also, waiting to eat until the appropriate time delays gratification (there it is again!) and signals that people are more important than food and that dinner is more about relationships and community than eating. As we discussed this, my son blurted out, "I know! We are learning patience!"

Manner: This manner has some different levels and it can also vary according to the situation.  Since there are some conflicting ideas out there, use your best judgment and take baby steps if you need to.

Family Dinner:  At family dinner the bare minimum is to wait until after the prayer is said to begin eating.  (This would be considered a victory at my house.) The next level is to at least wait until all the food has been passed all the way around the table before you start eating.  This insures that no one gets forgotten and you don't become the food dam.  And if you want to take it to the highest level, it is custom to wait for mom to take the first bite (again this means that mom needs to be seated at the table.)

Guest's Home: If you are the guest in someone else's home, watch for the hostess to take the first bite, then you are good to go. (This would have been nice to know 30+ years ago!)
 
Restaurant:  At a sit down restaurant wait until everyone is served before you begin eating.  The exception is if someone's plate is significantly delayed, and the waiter will let you know if that has happened.  I have heard people say if it is hot you can go ahead and eat, but I did not read that exception anywhere.  Since we aren't sure, the safest and most polite thing to do is wait for everyone to be served.  If it is a large group, you just need to wait for those people around you to be served before you eat.  Note this rule applies to every course served.

If you are the one holding up the show because you haven't been served your plate, invite others to go ahead and eat without you. This puts everyone at ease and all will be grateful.

Practice: To practice this manner at home, we decided that whoever set the table got to pick who was going to be the hostess (they always picked themselves) for the night and they also picked who was the "guest".  They wrote "hostess" on a post-it note to designate their role and we had to follow their lead.  They loved getting to eat first and have the control.  This gave the family practice serving the guest first and waiting for the hostess to eat.  I considered this activity a success (despite the fact that tears were shed three different times over the week) because I heard my son whisper to his cousins last night at our extended family dinner, "Hey guys, we can't eat until grandma eats."

Hostess Labels

Mom Tip:  Eat early enough when the kids aren't starving so they can control their hunger and their manners.  Or if dinner must be delayed, put out some healthy pre-dinner munchies like veggies and dip or fresh fruit.  If they "have to eat" at least they are filling up on something healthy and they won't be ravished by the time they get to the table.  This will give them the strength to wait to eat.

#9: Serving Yourself Food

Manner #9: The Do's and Don'ts of Serving Yourself Food Around the Dinner Table

Attention Getter:  We played a mini version of Taboo to guess the manner topic of  the night.  The word I wanted them to say was SERVE/SERVING (as it relates to food) and these were the words that couldn't be said when giving the clues: place, wait, give, take, put, prepare, offer.

After some pathetic clues (his words) given by my husband (I had to step in), my daughter guessed the word. I told them we would be focusing on serving manners.

We then discussed the following points about serving yourself food:

Manner: 1. Remember to show honor to your guest or the mom, and have her serve herself first.
2. Use the utensil provided on the serving dish and make sure it gets back on the dish before passing it on.  Don't use your fingers unless it is a finger food (another post; another day)
3. If there is a fork and a spoon on the serving dish, use both to help you get the food.
4. Be aware of portion sizes and the others at the table.  Take a fair amount so that there will be enough food for the last person that is served. (I am still haunted by the memory of my son eating so many hot dogs at our friends' BBQ that they ran out, and some guests didn't get any. I was 8 months pregnant in a swimsuit--- my son's hot dog count was the least of my concerns at the time.)
5. Take the piece that is closest to you.  (Bummer! No more scanning for the crispiest piece of meat or the fluffiest pancake.)
6. You take what you touch.
7. Don't serve yourself seconds until everyone has had firsts or the hostess has cued you to have more.

Practice: I had rolls for dinner to help me teach the serving manners #4, 5, 6 and 7.  I only put 6 rolls in the basket to help teach point #4.  I threw out some math story problems during dinner that were at varying levels of difficulty.  Example: "There are 12 rolls in the basket and 6 people at the table.  How many rolls will each person get?" "There are 3 pieces of chicken and 6 people.  How much chicken should you take?" "There are 2 pizzas with 8 slices each.  How much do we each get?"  This just got them thinking about amounts and others (and a great way to apply math skills.)

Follow-Up: (Confession:  I set my husband up on this one.  Luckily, he is a good sport and the blog's biggest fan.)  Later in the week, I made coconut cake for dessert because I knew my husband would fall into my trap perfectly and he did.  He was headed off to a meeting so I told him to grab a piece before he left.  He cut his piece right out of the middle.  (He swears it's the best.)  My daughter scolded him (she's 8 going on 35) and told him he can't do that and he just made the cake look ugly (the why).   He defended himself with some "dad's can do whatever they want" jibberish.  We reviewed all the serving manners including the manner to take the piece closest to you- not from the middle- but dad still isn't buying it.  If you want to try the yummy cake, I included the recipe below:

Before

After

Grandma K's Coconut Cake

1 white cake mix
1 small package coconut pudding
3 eggs
1/4 c. oil
1 1/4 c. water

Mix ingredients and then bake cake according to box directions.  After 5 minutes poke holes in cake.  (I use a wooden spoon handle and I poke ALOT of holes.) Spoon in 15 oz. can of cream of coconut. Cool. Refrigerate.  Top with 8 oz. Coolwhip.  Sprinkle with coconut (we leave this off.)  Enjoy (the middle piece)!

We Are All Different

Helping Children to Celebrate & Appreciate Differences in Honor of Martin Luther King Day

Martin Luther King Day always takes me back to my student teaching experience.  I taught 2nd graders and I had them gathered around me on the rug.  We were discussing how people are different.  I said something like, "Some people have white skin, some people have dark skin.... Then a second grader shouted out: "Yeah, and some people have red dots all over their face; just like you!"  She was right!  I was in the middle of the most stressful time of my life too date and the doctor diagnosed it as "stress induced adult acne".  (But how do I explain the large, painful zit on my chin right now as I type this?)

Kids often blurt out inappropriate, albeit innocent, words. Now this may never change, but I think we can still teach them some manners when it comes to dealing with people that are different than us.  We want to teach them tolerance, acceptance and appreciation for differences in the world.

Attention Getter:  I emptied a bag of jelly beans into a bowl.  Then I walked around the family and had them choose a jellybean.  Lots of thought went into picking that one jelly bean so I asked them why they picked it.  My youngest daughter took one and then changed her mind for the jellybean she liked better.  I was happy to let them take as long as they wanted, for it played into my object lesson all the more.

Lesson:  I talked about what I noticed as I passed out jellybeans. Then I read them this poem (author unknown):

Wouldn't it be nice
If we looked at people
and jelly beans and liked them all?
And didn't just pick out the pretty or smart people
or red or black jelly beans
But loved them all for what they are! 

Discussion: We talked about the quote and what it means and how it relates to Martin Luther King Day.  Here are some questions to ask: How are people different than us?  Why are there so many different people? What do you do when you notice someone that is different than you?  

Manner:  When you see someone different than you don't point, don't yell, and don't stare. These all were inspired by son. We were standing in the order line at In-and-Out when he turned around, pointed his finger up at the guy's face behind us, and yelled,  "Look mom! That guy's from China!" (or he has earrings or she has a mohawk, etc. Insert whatever difference you want. I've been through this a few times.)  We discussed how it is okay to 'notice' differences, but just don't judge them or point them out at that moment.  We don't want to make others feel uncomfortable or singled out.

Quote: I read this quote from one of our religious leaders (Gordon B. Hinckley): "We must never forget that we live in a world of great diversity. The people of the earth are all our Father’s children and are of many and varied religious persuasions. We must cultivate tolerance and appreciation and respect one another." 

Activity:  We discussed things that make us different than others.  (I like Mondays. My husband is tall.  My daughter has a unique name, etc.) You could have older kids write a list down of 5-10 things that make them different. We discussed everyone's differences and how it makes the family better.  And how people's differences in the world make the world better.

Book:  We read the book "People" by Peter Spier.  My kids loved the pictures and I would recommend buying it.  There is so much to see in it that kids could browse it over and over again.

We ate the jelly beans as I read the story (I picked the red ones.)

#8: Passing Food

Manner #8:  More Than You Ever Wanted to Know About Passing Food Around the Table

Attention Getter: I wrote arrows on post-it notes.  I put them on the kids' plates pointing to the right.   When the kids came to dinner they began whispering to each other, "Why do we have arrows on our plates?"  "Dad! What is going on?" "Maybe mom wants us to twist things around?" "Maybe mom..." (The buzz around the table before dinner was music to a teaching mom's ears.)

When we sat down, I asked the kids which way the arrows were pointing (now that is a difficult question for kids' my age, but they got it right.) Then I stated the arrows were there to show them which way to pass the food-to the right- and tonight we were going to learn about passing food. (Remember it is important to state the objective. It's Teaching 101).

Manner: 1. Food is passed to the right initially- counterclockwise.  However, the person starting the food may ask the person to her left if he would like some before passing it on to the right.
2. Hold the serving dish for the person next to you while she serves herself (this is a lesson in giving and receiving- another blog; another day) or set it down on the table if necessary.
3. Keep the food moving.  Do not be that person at the table that is a food dam.  Everything stops at your plate. (We know who you are; wish you knew.)
4. If you need a food item to be passed to you (after the initial pass), find who is closest to it, address the person BY NAME and then ask him to pass the food item. You may pass it the shortest route.  You don't have to go right all the way around the table.
5. Always pass the pepper and salt together.  Even if the person only asked for the salt- send the pepper too. After all, they are married and they stick together. (Yes, we really did dress up our salt-n-pepper shakers. And later I found my 4 year old singing "Hear Comes the Bride" as she moved the salt closer to the pepper.)

Mr. and Mrs.

Why:  The why on #1 is important to explain to those stubborn leftys.  When you pass to the right, it is easier for the person receiving the food  to serve himself because his dominant hand (if right handed) is unobstructed or at a better angle to serve himself.  If you pass to the left, you may constrict the right hand or the serving dish would be too close and it would be difficult to serve.  Try it and see what I am talking about.

#4: When you say a person's name to pass; it gets her attention.  Otherwise you are just calling a request out to a table full of preoccupied people and no one is listening nor are they aware of what food is in front of them.

These "rules" just help the table run smoother (the bigger the family, the more these manners matter.) And in the end everyone enjoys dinner more, and there is less time spent trying to get food on your plate and more time conversing with family.

Practice:  I let the kids pretend before dinner while I was making last minute preparations.  I gave them a serving bowl and spoon (without any food in it) and they practiced passing and serving themselves food.  This was safer than real, hot, heavy dishes for my kids (right now mom and dad still do a lot of the passing and serving.) 

Thoughts:  I have learned much about myself and my family from this manner.  I've learned that we are a stubborn and prideful folk. We like to teach, but we don't always like to be taught.

See, we have passed to the left all of our lives and up until last week we even passed to the left at our monthly Sunday dinner.  When I told my family that I learned through my readings that it is proper etiquette to pass to the right, I was surprised by their reaction.  "Wow! Thanks, Tiffany.  We just learned something new" would have been a nice response.  Instead it was, "Who says?" "Are you going to make us do that now?" I think I even got called a few names.  (To be honest, I don't really care which way you pass it as long as we are all going the same direction, but because I am stubborn too, I didn't let it go. I explained WHY you pass to the right, then called them names back.)  My dad, being a reasonable man, learned from the explanation and opted to go to the right--at that dinner.  We will see how next month's Sunday dinner goes. 

And since likes attract, I married a stubborn man too.  His family passed to the left growing up as well.  The other night, in the most delicate way he could muster, he said something like, "Now Tiffany, I am not saying you are wrong,  but have you checked multiple sources on this pass to the right thing?  Everyone I know passes to the left- how can we all be wrong? (My kids have no prayer of being humble).

So for all you left passers out there, I did check multiple sources.  (Emily Post even agrees with me.)

#7: Who's Served First?

Manner #7: Who Gets Served First at the Dinner Table?

Attention Getter: We recently had a birthday dinner for my brother at my mom's house.  There were 10+ people around the table.  Before we started, I asked the question, "Who gets served first?" Responses ranged from the head of the table, to the hostess, to the oldest, to the youngest---all were wrong.

Manner:  The correct answer is that the guest of honor gets served first (which would be my brother in this case because it was his birthday dinner.  And if there were any doubt it was his birthday, the not-so-mini whole roast on his plate, made by my mother, just for him, gave it away.)  The general rule is that women are served before men, older people before younger people, and guests before family members.  And when I say serve, I mean they are encouraged to serve themselves.  If there is no guest, and it is just your family,  it is respectful to have mom served first. (This would infer that she is actually seated at the table, not running around adding last minute touches to the meal.)  Although this may seem laughable, it is the most respectful thing to do because she is likely the oldest woman at the table.  Once the "guest"/mom serves herself, she passes the food to her right (next week's post/my family of origin is struggling to accept this) and the rest of the food starts going around the table.

Why?  As with all manners, it is a matter of respect and courtesy to let the guests go first and if there are no guests,  I think it is a great way to show appreciation to mom.  This sends the message to our kids that we respect ourselves and that no matter how hungry they are, they can learn to wait (another chance to practice delayed gratification!) for mom to be seated.  My mom was always the last one to sit down and the last one to eat.  This did her no favors.  Yes, she was selfless, but I just saw her as a robot or a superwoman, I didn't see her as a person who might be hungry too.

Practice:  I made up situation cards where I read a different dinner scenario and the kids had to figure out who would be served first. I threw in irrelevant information (like a good ol' math story problem) just to make them think.  My kids ended up wanting to make situation cards themselves to try to stump the family.

some of the situation cards

Follow-Up: Invite different families, friends,and/or relatives to dinner. Let your kids put their knew knowledge into practice.